You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
