So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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