oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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