I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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