dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
