a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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