when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
