The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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