I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
