I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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