Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
