God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
