Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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