Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
