can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
