I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
