i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
