I hate all girls vehemently.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
