Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i believe in u and ur pee
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
