Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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