You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
