no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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