Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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