I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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