im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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