Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she smelled like a LAN party
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
