i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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