I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
