I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
