the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize