Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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