i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He passed out mid-signature
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
