I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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