Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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