is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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