Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
