mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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