Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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