Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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