I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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