No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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