I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
