I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
