Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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