I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
