so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
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