2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
zippers are such a cool invention
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
