Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
