Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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