Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
