What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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