Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
