If i come over, it means nothing
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize