In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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