Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
