I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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