I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Randomize
