I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
