I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Screwed.edu
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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