Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
