Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
