does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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