Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
