My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
