But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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