Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
