i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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