is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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