I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
