It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
