i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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