I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
