Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Terrible idea I love it
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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