5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
