help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
