one two three fourrrrnication!
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
