i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
