spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
fuck your aforementioned shoe
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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