I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
