the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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